Please Just Listen.

I'd pretend I was asleep on the phone.
Just to hear you say my name over and over.
It sounded so good.
A part of me leaving you.

It's not seeing eye to eye when you won't look in mine.
I believed you when you said it's all I'm good for.
When I said, "Get your hands off of me."
I never meant put them on her.

Come home.
I can't even remember what you look like.
I never said goodbye.
You're just a blur repeating, "The responsibility's not mine."

I shouldn't have to see you and have you hug me,
Only to shove me against the wall and spit in my face.
You said they would help you.
But they didn't, not even a little bit.
The hits made you hit.

What were you thinking when you came home drunk?
I'd love to ask if I ever got the chance.
I tried to answer you.
I never got the chance.
I haven't tasted blood so thick in all of my life.

I didn't want you to hurt her.
"You can hurt me, I can take it."
The scars are gone now.
But they come back on days like this.

You said life wouldn't hurt.
But it did.
Bandages and bandages made of layers of bullshit.

And now I'm just a mess of messes.
Raising a sixteen year old on my own.
We play games.
But they're over when you don't come home.

I'm small, polite, and quiet.
Don't think twice about not saying hello.
It's not your fault for not knowing
How low I go when I go.

Richard All[arid].

You met a gypsy on the boardwalk.
By the beach with the waves and the pinkbluegreenpurpleorange sky.
She played the harp.
You said we had the same nose.
(It's the Native American blood)
Of course you stopped to talk, she was a Saggitarius.
With a Gaelic wit like mine, you said.
"You are everywhere."
Your tales make sleep a little less impossible.

Daisies Aren't Roses.

Make a smart ass remark about how I can't sit still.
Have I ever told you about that time that I-
Oh, I have?
What about the time that I-
Yeah, that's the one.
No matter how I sit I feel as though I'm slouching.
Maybe if I turn like so.
Inadequate.
I feel so inadequate here.
Spin the radio knobs to fill the silence with static.
It's a little less awkward now.
I like this song, but I won't say so.
Maybe you like girls with big personalities.
Maybe they scare you.
I'll just look out your window while you drive.

Crooked Spoons.

We're the crooked spoons in the drawer-
so dependable, yet so hard to hang on to.
The time-weathered friends you greet with awkward smiles
before uninspired conversations trail off to grappling.

The same way subtitles in a bad French movie
never seem to match up right.

Nausea.

Rolling.
Rolling.
Rolling.
Crash.

Usual.

fresh sheets with fresh-shaven legs interwoven.
i'm not sure what feels more out of place:
clean sheets or smooth legs?
it's morning again, and we're arguing.
nothing new, nothing huge, just sleepy banter.
we do these things we promise not to,
and regret not a second of it.
we will later.
like usual.
the grandma's laughing again,
on the television.
you hate that part.
you complain about it.
like usual.
silence on the line, i find
myself repeating your name again, again, again.
wake up.
wake up.
wake up.
hello? hi, you fell asleep again.
no i didn't. yes you did.
oh.
silence again.
is it crazy to find safety in the empty spaces?
to hide in the open,
right between your eyelashes.
a saftey net
of repeating failures.
we win some,
we lose some.
the usual.

STRANGE.

strange.
i thought i'd find myself to be this incredibly simple person one day.
i'd meet the real me at a cross walk.
shake hands, smile- courtesy is key.
i'd see the answers in my eyes, and walk on free of question.
i thought i'd find myself this person to make me look simple.
a tapestry to stand beside, myself dull and subtle.
i thought i'd fade myself into the background.
one with the flies and the walls and the flies.
i thought i'd find you to be the stranger.
strange enough to outstage me.
i was so wrong, i found absolutely nothing i sought within your eyes.
no answers, no short exchanges and quick goodbyes.
i was so wrong, no intricate obsurdities to outshine mine.
in you i found nothing.
nothing at all, but everything.
you met me at the cross walk.
my head hung low, meek, shamed.
you took my chin in your hands and you looked me in the eye.
no answers, no answers, i saw no answers.
with only questions written on my features.
"quiet" you said.
"the earth is a scary place, it can eat you alive." -
"you need not disappear, nor fear, nor hide."-
"searching all alone, nothing you'll find"-
"only i can see the answers hidden in your eyes."

Distinction.

BLACK AND WHITE
PHOTOGRAPHS
CAN NOT COLOUR
YOUR LIFE.

Let Me Fly.

I'm a broken baby bird within your palms.
You keep me here, to hear me sing.
Living within a cage of protection,
Hand-crafted with paternal intention.
Your compassion's satisfaction,
Is merely 'guised penitention.
Let.
Me.
Fly.

It's Funny

How I've seemed to grow up blind.
I've struggled so hard to open my own eyes,
Only to meet visual failure.
Everything I thought I knew, myself.
It's all been a mirage on that vacant highway
Balancing between life and death.
My realities mere smoke to the touch.
Normalities fading into guilty evidence.

It's time for me to give up.
I'm not daring, my consequences
Have driven me to a point of abandon.

Surrender summons this hidden courage,
Along with the willingness to admit.
I'm wrong.
I've ruined myself and my views.
I'm done.

God is in complete control now.